Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children’s choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children’s choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently.

Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

It is common for parents and children to have conflicting views towards defining relationship aspects in the life of a child, for example, career choices, choosing a partner or university. Some are of the opinion that parents should have an active role in helping the child make these choices, but I for one, feel that children should be given the power to make these decisions by themselves although a mix between the two should work just as well.

On the contrary, however, proponents of parental participation argue that parents can offer a unique understanding that children do not have and thus should be able to assist them. Having gone through different forms of relationships, parents very likely have the upper hand in sensing tiny red flags that the youth would be oblivious too. For example, a woman may be in awe of how charming and outgoing a friend is and may fail to recognize the controlling behavior that is there. Parents, on the other hand, could be objective enough to identify the tendency to lying or paradoxical actions and alert the children before anything happens. In the same way, parents could also help map out a plan that includes ones perspective on life for a long term relationship. For example, if a son is head over heels with a woman whose beliefs regarding money, religion or professional goals do not align with his then multiple problems could arise and he might not see this clearly but the parents would be wiser and help out. Thus, the combination of such culture and training prevents emotional injury and helps to build strong and fulfilling relationships.

However, I believe that it is equally important for young people to have freedom of choice with regards to the decisions made as it contributes to their character development and independence. The selection of friends and life partners is deeply personal and highly context specific, especially in how the feelings and other factors are involved in the choice and interaction such as parents may fully appreciate what it entails. For instance, a young man might make close friendships with a young artist even though the artist’s parents do not approve of that friendship due to the artist’s lifestyle. As such, forcing him to cut all such friendships may negatively affect his creative instincts and may make him resent his family. Additionally, marital relationships cannot be built without significant autonomy which cannot be dispensed with in the establishment of trust, commitment and resilience in a relationship. Young women whose fathers or mothers chose for them friends and husbands will feel resentment later when the relationship sours. On the other hand, accountability is nurtured in making such decisions without independent individuals, that is, relationships which one has selected for oneself are likely to receive more attention.

In summary, parents possess a unique understanding and expertise that is beneficial in assisting their children with forming connections. But at the end of the day, as a way to enhance self-advocacy and self-improvement, they need to be the ones determining how these kinds of decisions will be made. Such a combination of child and parent relationships ensures the maximum benefit of parental advice without sacrificing the autonomy of the youths.